Friday, April 12, 2013


There is a plan.  It is already written.  It is a mystery to me.

Our house is on the market should be an excuse for just about anything.  The problem is the gulf water of Kemah does not care if my house is on the market.  The water on that day is going to be whatever it is no matter what. 

Yesterday we were getting our house ready for a showing.  We are still in the stage when we are happy about a showing though mildly annoyed rather than the other way around.  The girls get excited and are convinced every time these are the people who are going to buy our house.  I love that all things are possible and positive in their lives. 

One of the girls questioned whether these people would love our house and want to move in and what would we do if that happens.  I got out a piece of paper and drew a timeline.  Our House at the bottom (vertical like with markers) New House at the top.  I explained many things will happen between now and the new house.  This is a process.  There is a house that is OURS.  It is possible we haven't seen it yet.  He has chosen the house, we just don't know it yet. 

I then did another timeline with birth at the bottom and death at the top.  Along the vertical line were markers some with happy faces, some sad.  I explained a lot of things happen in our life.  There will be many good things and some bad things.  The bad things are not there because God has abandoned us or we are cursed in any way but the bad things are building blocks to create the person God intended us to be.  Pretty deep huh?

That is when it happened.  Once I said it out loud it was true.  God has a plan for me, my story is written. 

Kemah 2012 is the race where I had my first full on panic attack.  I have been reminding myself for weeks now 2013 will be different and while the conditions for me were very difficult last year I finished that swim!  The experience has likely helped me empathize with others who have open water anxiety or anxiety in general.  The panic that day was very real and I was truly terrified.  I made it anyway.

This year Kemah will be different for many reasons.  Women go first (no dudes in the water with me is a good thing), the water will be different (I hope for the better).  I will have more experience under my belt.  Not to say my swim training is where I think it should be right now but I have swam this distance and more many times.  My goal this year will be to enjoy the swim and welcome the day He has made with the body that allows me to do what I want to do.  What a gift!  I will pray, I will train, I will let go and trust in the already written story.