Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hello anger, come on in

I feel like I'm moving throught the stages of grief though I am not sure I am going through them in the right order, I definitely feel a loss.
At first I denied it was anything serious.  Next came frustration, then I tried to surrender and accept I had no control.  Yesterday was all about being angry and this morning I was able to cry.
If the sitter comes through I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow.  Anybody who knows me knows it takes a lot of surrender to meet with a surgeon but I am desperate.
I know my Olympic distance race this Sunday is gone.  My only hope is to hold onto my HIM=Half Ironman distance November 7.  I have moments when I am hopeful when I wake up in the morning the pain will be gone or the next visit to my ART provider will work magic.
We have tried many different things and nothing is working.  Last night I went for a very short jog in my cul de sac so I could test it out and the pain was worse than ever making me wonder if it isn’t something a bit more serious than a strain.
Mentally this is very tough.  I want to know NOW if it is going to get better and I need to focus on the HIM or if that is simply a pipe dream and all the folks who didn’t think I could do it were right all along.  I feel like I’m in limbo.  Do I swim today?  What’s the point?  I’ve lost my focus.


  1. (((Keri))) Injuries suck no matter what, but they are devastating when you are training for an event. I am sorry about your olympic distance race.

    Go swim. Push all your frustration and anger out in the water. If you can, take a relaxation yoga class. It might help you get some direction.

    Surrender is very, very difficult. Sometimes you just have to ask for help. I hope you get to the surgeon and get some answers.

  2. I hope today brings you some peace. No matter what the reality is - you are still amazing, you will get through this, and no one will ever doubt you .